you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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