I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
