she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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