Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
