Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
