it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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