I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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