The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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