This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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