Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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