my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
