I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
vagina is talking i cant
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize