Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
