No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
