my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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