Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
