whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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