just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
