I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
