Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
