you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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