My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he fucked my hip out of place.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
