so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
