So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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