Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize