i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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