this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
