If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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