You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
