you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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