Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize