i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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