Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize