we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
