when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
