I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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