Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking

Fav 26 4633 996
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(850): View more from Florida

I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts

Fav 34 1147 4288
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(913): View more from Kansas

I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

Fav 15 3992 1365
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(631): View more from New York

i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

Fav 16 1187 4496
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(561): View more from Florida

Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

Fav 29 1432 6150
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(512): View more from Texas

There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.

Fav 5 2702 1322
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(205): View more from Alabama

I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

Fav 24 4548 1299
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(905): View more from Ontario

We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?

Fav 3 88 29
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(317): View more from Indiana

Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra

Fav 0 131 29
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