HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
