This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
