They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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