can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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