There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
