Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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