What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
