you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
