I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
