How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
