So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
