Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
