I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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