I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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