How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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