Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just tell him i said nine months
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
