you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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