i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize