Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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