Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize