Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
