he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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