I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
