I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
