so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize