she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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