I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
