I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
50% drunk capacity currently
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
