party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
