how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
