Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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