I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
